Juice Do It - The Roundup

It's been a week since it ended - sorry for the absence of a write up before now, my dudes. Whilst I felt mostly great upon ending the cleanse, I have mostly been wrapped up with the fact that I got a FUCKING CAVITY from doing the cleanse! That's right - my sweet, virginal, never had a cavity in my 32 years of life, teeth got a goddamn fucking cavity. Clearly I am not a dentist, so I'm sure there's a pretty good chance the cavity was there before, but all I'm saying is it never bothered me until the cleanse.

The pain started the end of the first day. I thought my teeth were just becoming sensitive from the acid in the juices or possibly the sugar. You're told to 'chew' your juice to release digestive enzymes from your saliva to help your body absorb the juice. On my 5th juice of the day, my entire mouth started to hurt, particularly my tongue and teeth. It subsided a bit by the morning of the second day, but by the end of the day, my teeth were hella sensitive. I figured it'd go away after a few days of being off the cleanse, but here we are, a week later, and I can't chew anything sweet on the left side of my mouth. I gave myself a little oral exam while brushing my teeth (a lot less exciting than it sounds), and lo and behold, a motherfucking cavity. The pain is, thankfully, pretty mild, and I have a dentist appointment next week to get it checked out. But I am NOT IMPRESSED. NOT ONE LITTLE BIT.

So, besides ruining my poor innocent teeth, were there any other effects of the juice cleanse? Yes, and all the rest of them were positive, but I am not sure if it makes up for having my entire fucking life ruined by not being able to claim that I've never had a cavity.

Positive 1 - I had a ton of energy. I slept incredibly well the entire time, and felt way peppier and more vibrant than normal

Positive 2 - I wasn't that hungry. I thought I would be the hangriest bitch in all the land, but I was actually, I think, a lot more pleasant than usual

Positive 3 - It taught me that my willpower is stronger than I give myself credit for. I mean, I didn't eat for 3 days. That's pretty dang wild, because I love food more than anything. I love food more than I love not having cavities, and you can see how very fucking passionate I am about that. 

Positive 4 - It helped me regulate my eating afterwards. I felt fuller sooner when eating, and if I hadn't gone and stuffed my drunk ass face at the staff Christmas party 2 days following the cleanse, I think I could've held onto that feeling. 


Would I do another juice cleanse? Absolutely. I'll probably have to get dentures after, but fuck it, my mouth is already a graveyard now. The only thing I would do differently would be finding juices with less sugar and acidity, so that I don't end up looking like this:



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